The name is Freeze. Learn it well, for it is the sound of your doom.

The day of reckoning came early this year: the day that a snowstorm turns the lower mainland into a destruction derby. With a snowfall of around 6 or 7 centimeters in these parts, people were (wisely) advised on radio and television news to avoid driving as much as possible today. So what did we do? Drove to Mission, of course! Leaving Pitt Meadows, the roads were just a little slushy but certainly managable, and we foolishly thought Mission’s roads wouldn’t be much worse. Little did we know, that unlike Pitt Meadows and Maple Ridge, Mission hadn’t salted their roads the night before, nor had they plowed any roads today. We got as far as “downtown” Mission, where we dropped off the dog to be taken home, and high-tailed it back to our place. Driving wasn’t as bad as it was for others who didn’t know how to handle the slippery roads. Not to brag but growing up in the interior, and learning to drive in a climate with regular snowfall, makes taking to the roads here when snowy much less stressful. On the way back to Pitt Meadows we saw a pickup truck being hauled away by emergency crews, in a state of total destruction, after what must have been a roll-over into a ditch.

Life has had a couple of brief highlights this week. Our former colleague, and now big shot New York City resident, Margaret dropped by the EA offices for lunch and a chit-chat. Earlier I picked up a Wii console and have taken great pleasure not only in playing it myself, but also seeing my lady friend actually want to play it too. It’s a watershed moment that nearly brought a tear to my eye, before she handed me my ass in a game of Wii bowling.

I also plopped down another $200 or so on my car, to have the remaining problems fixed. It does feel good to finally have it not making odd noises, and I’m relieved to have found a mechanic that (so far) I can trust. The basic issue with me and car repairs is that I don’t mind paying for repairs; it’s when I pay for repairs and the mechanic does a sloppy or incorrect job. I will spend money to get a car fixed, as long as it’s fixed properly the first time.

Oh yes, I also saw the Borat movie that all the kids are talking about these days. During one sequence, I was crying from laughing so hard. For the most part though, the movie was pretty good. Just not the laugh riot everyone promised. I guess it was a case of expectations being set far too high for it to live up to all the talk. This upcoming week, though, is Bond week. I’ll be blogging my thoughts on dreamy, chiseled, and dashing Daniel Craig as 007 shortly after taking in that movie.

TWIG Notes

This Week In Garrett Notes:

- there was a boil-water advisory for the GVRD this week, due to the heavy rainfall we’ve had for the past month. At work, the facilities people had posted warnings not to use water to make coffee, despite the fact the coffeemakers have a filter attached to the incoming water. Due to the fact I grew up in Kamloops, where turbid water was the norm, I damned the warnings and prepared myself some coffee … and felt fine. Boil-water warnings are really just city-attempting-to-avoid-Walkerton-style-litigation warnings.

- the BC Lions won the Grey Cup tonight. They built up an impressive first-half lead only to barely hang on in the second half. In my opinion they ran the ball way too much. Their running game is good, but this is the CFL; you can’t win unless you pass the ball. The Lions did pass, but just enough to get by. Oh well, complaints don’t mean much — they won! If there’s a Grey Cup celebration next week, I’m there!

- I’ve realized leasing a car ultimately isn’t in the cards for me. It’s just not a wise decision in terms of money. I could probably afford it but it would eliminate the ability to save money, something I value very much. So after Christmas, and after I fix the remaining problems with my car, I’ll probably look at just selling it and getting a different used car with an automatic transmission. An airbag might be nice too.

- My cousin picked up a Nintendo Wii today and I got to try it out. It was fun! Can’t wait to get mine sometime next week. Even my lady friend picked up a controller and played Wii Bowling, which is an historic event. My lady friend does not play games, and to see her actually have a tiny bit of enjoyment out of playing the Wii warms the cockles of my heart.

The Final Chapter in My Cartwheels Novel

This past Sunday was the West Division final between the BC Lions and the Saskatchewan Roughriders. It was also the last chance to collect Felions (cheerleader) signatures. Due to the biblical rainstorms we’ve had lately, with Sunday’s rainfall no exception, the ladies were all inside on the concourse of BC Place, hawking their calendars for the last time that season. In a most excellent turn of events, they were almost all there, and thus I began my hunt for the Holy Grail of Felions signatures: Barron, the ravishing redhead who we haven’t seen available for signings during the entire season. With a little persistence, we found her, and engaged in a little small talk about her singing talent (early in the season, she sang the national anthem before a game). I’ll be honest, although also biased, but not all the cheerleaders are totally outgoing. If I were in their shoes, I probably wouldn’t be either, with a bunch of half-drunk greasy guys drooling at me. But Barron seemed very down-to-earth and an engaging person to talk with … you know, for the 40 seconds or so we did, before running away from the pretty girls.

With Barron’s name on our calendars, it felt like the Triforce had been reassembled and all was good with the world. Our co-season ticket holder, Rene, had made a sign that read “Section 11: Glover Lovers” and hung it from the rail in front of us. To explain, we’ve been chanting and cheering for a Lions player named Lavar Glover since day one, when he was just some dude on the kick coverage team. We’d chant his name, and he’d pump his fist and dance on the field. He’s a pretty cool guy, and by the third or fourth game, Glover made the defensive squad and came up with a couple interceptions on the year — and would still jump and dance when we chanted his name. Anyway, after the game (a punishing 45-18 win by the Lions), Glover came to celebrate with Section 11 and give Rene and others some high-fives. That was a great way to wrap up the season, and it’s nice to see a guy who really doesn’t have to give a shit about the fans to show his appreciation. And being the last home game of 2006, I brought some signs that read “We (heart) Felions”, which elicited some smiles, waves, and kisses blown my way. Huzzah!

After the game, with most of the 50,000+ fans gone, we hung around the concourse and found the Felions out again selling the last of their calendars. Nigel, longtime friend and another co-ticket holder, needed Shannen (whom I’ve talked about before) to sign his calendar, at which point we whipped out the small talk once again. Shannen revealed she’s retiring from the cheerleader racket this year — hanging up the hotpants, so to speak — so we thanked her for the somersaults and cartwheels and wished her well in trying to get a front-office job with the Lions. Like Barron, she was very sweet and seemed entirely comfortable talking to a couple of goofy looking shaven-head weirdos like Nigel and me.

Thus ends the saga of BC Lions Football 2006. I think buying season tickets has been well worth the $220 and I’ve already renewed the seats for next year. I don’t know if the cartwheel magic will be back in 2007; lightning doesn’t strike in the same place twice. It sounds ridiculous and sappy but we had a great bunch of people in our section that made going to the games special. No drunk rowdies, no frat-boy assholes; just a bunch of guys looking to have a fun time and gawk at the dancing ladies. All that’s left now is for the Lions to win the Grey Cup next week … fingers crossed.

Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice…

In my formative years I became a fan of James Bond films. Well, a fan of Sean Connery as James Bond. I can’t bear to watch Roger Moore; Timothy Dalton was acceptable; Pierce Brosnan was woefully underutilized in a string of really, really bad Bond movies. So with Brosnan gone, and the ultra-sexy Daniel Craig as 007, once again I’m caught up in the hype that accompanies a New Bond Film. Every time, the producers promise a return to a more cerebral Bond, as though they finally discovered the old recipe that was lost somewhere after Thunderball or Goldfinger. Naturally, I’m going to be disheartened when I go to see the new film, Casino Royale, because it will turn into another blow-shit-up and shoot-lotsa-guns actionfest that they’ve been turning out for the last decade. Nevertheless, I’m going to see it. Factoid: I’ve seen the original Casino Royale, which featured Woody Allen, Peter Sellers, and Orson Welles. Need I say it was terrible? It made In Like Flynt look like an Oscar-winner. Anyway, I was going to post the trailer for the new film, but it’s on television twice every hour, so I’m sure the three of you who read this blog have already seen it.

The Sleeper Must Awaken

On the weekend I watched the new extended version of Dune, a movie originally directed by David Lynch but subsequently re-edited and attributed to the timeless Alan Smithee. The new version is about 40 minutes longer than Lynch’s theatrical version, adding a lot of missing elements but also cutting out a few at the same time. As an enormous Dune nerd — we’re talking the nerdiness rivalled by Lord of the Rings fans or Star Wars fans — I enjoyed the added footage. It included some storyboard and visual targets at the begininng, voiced over by some gruff old guy (my bet is Ernest Borgnine) that tried to explain the history leading up to Dune, which wasn’t terribly necessary. Surprisingly, the new version removed much of the Baron’s gross/evil behavior, which I think was sorely missed. Also not included: extended scenes involving Sting in a giant winged codpiece. That’s a shame. I also could have done with all scenes involving Sean Young removed. If there’s an actress I cannot stand, it’s her. Anyway, as a whole, the new version of Dune is much improved. Dune is an almost impossible movie to translate to the screen, and even the recent 6-hour miniseries just couldn’t quite do it justice.

Watching the special features on the DVD, namely one regarding creating scale models, made me realize that since the dawn of computer generated effects, scale models in movies no longer exist. Everything is done with CG now, and honestly, it’s shameful. CG has never matched the real-world qualities of physical materials, and in fact everything CG looks extremely phony for this reason. I miss movies with scale models. The same goes for creatures: watch The Dark Crystal, which features absolutely no CG creatures, and compare it to a movie like Lord of the Rings. The organic qualities of physical creatures is lost, and it ends up looking like an episode of SeaQuest DSV. The last movie I saw that featured “real” creatures was Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, and it pleased me to see a minor use of CG, despite the actual movie being awful (Zooey Deschanel, what were you thinking?). It saddens me to know that the old Italian or Spanish model-makers I see in DVD special features are quite literally dying, and once they’re gone, their craft will be gone with them.

Returning to Dune for a moment, I’d like to state my disgust with the son of Dune’s author, the late Frank Herbert, for taking the Dune name into serialized, low-intelligence, and poorly written, sequel and prequel hell. He’s making a buck on his father’s name by turning out absolutely terrible novels that are meant to extend or explain Dune’s storylines. It’s absolutely shameful.

Merry Christmas, Saddam

Today it was decided that former dictator Saddam Hussein would be hanged for his role in killing Kurds in Iraq about 20 years ago. I’m not going to argue that Saddam wasn’t evil and that he didn’t kill a lot of people based on race; he did. Everyone knows Saddam was an evil person. What doesn’t sit well with me is the death sentence. I suppose it was important for the Western invaders to give Saddam over to a court in Iraq, so the people would think their court is just. The problem I see is twofold: one, a death sentence proves to a country that death is justice. Killing Saddam only reinforces the view that, to right a wrong, you must kill. This is a philosophical problem of capital punishment — the argument that the courts should lead as an example for the people of a country, and that’s an argument I support. The second uneasy feeling that I get is the worry that Saddam dying (probably right around Christmastime) at the hands of what fundamentalists might think is a US-influenced government and legal system will turn Uncle Hussein into a martyr. If the reports out of Iraq are to be believed, some of the ongoing violence is due to Saddam loyalists. How else are they going to react once their hero is dead? It’s only going to get worse in Iraq when Saddam is strung up.