Toss my Caber

Yesterday we went to the BC Highland Games in Coquitlam, with my in-laws. My father-in-law has Scottish heritage, I’d always wanted to try haggis, and it was at least 30 degrees, so there were plenty of good reasons to go. The event was unbelievably busy, with both people attending and things to do or look at. Percy Perry Stadium was filled with vendors, pipe bands, and highland dancers. The beer gardens were woefully undersized, as by about 2pm it was elbow to elbow, and the whiskey tasting sold out before noon.

I enjoyed a haggis pie (no “genuine” haggis was served, I guess there was a shortage of sheep stomach) and a few cold beverages, and we took a lap around the Stadium a few times. From there it was on to watch the “heavy events”, which meant hammer throws and sheaf tosses. The man emceeing the heavy events made sure to remind us, every two minutes, that he was selling t-shirts. At one point he asked the crowd if they had any questions, to which my father-in-law asked, “do you have any t-shirts?” Good times.

It was fun to see the things a day dedicated to being Scottish involves. Since I’m not Scottish, though, it makes me want to check out Oktoberfest, although I have a feeling the emphasis there would be on beer and sausage, with a smattering of oompah bands, and no throwing heavy rocks or telephone poles around.

There are a few photos of the event on Flickr, and here is a video of highland dancing to enjoy.

Take a Look at my Rack!

With nothing notable to write about this week, I’m going to shed some light on my magazine rack. Here’s six periodicals that I enjoy reading on a regular basis.

Walrus.
Since Macleans magazine turned to crap a few years ago, the Walrus is really the only intelligent Canadian news/current events magazine being published. It’s a mix of fiction and nonfiction articles, and it casts a wide net in terms of what’s included in each issue. This can be a bit of a problem for me, as the issues will either have nearly nothing I find interesting or will be totally engrossing. I receive a subscription to the Walrus as a birthday gift from my mother.

Edge.
The only well-written videogame industry mag in the world. It’s slipped a bit in terms of quality - lately it’s started to publish more ’sensational’ features rather than intelligent ones - but even so, there isn’t a gaming magazine that even comes close. The reviews of games don’t seem to come from the cro-magnon fanboy nerds that are so prevalent in the medium. I can only presume the fact it comes from the UK has a lot to do with its intellectual slant. My workplace subscribes to Edge, saving me the $140 yearly rate.

Barracuda.
Sadly this magazine isn’t being published anymore. It was a cheesecake pinup, custom hot rod, and tiki culture magazine published quarterly; “Yesterday’s Men’s Magazine of the Future Today” as its tagline said. It was even printed on low grade paper, with a graphic design style that was entirely 1950s futurism. I was heartbroken when I learned this mag had been retired. To make up for it, I’ve ordered back issues that I missed out on.

Wired.
A nerd culture and technology magazine, and probably the most mainstream of any I read. It features stories on anything from the environment to Microsoft to Formula 1 to manga. It’s an entertaining magazine, although it really has no socially redeeming features. In a lot of ways it glamorizes tech consumerism - if I see another glowing product review of an Apple device I may vomit - but that’s America for you. I subscribe to Wired.

Frankie.
An Australian girls magazine. Yes, snicker snicker, I read a girls magazine. What makes Frankie so much different is that it is almost gender-neutral. Unlike the magazines that unfortunately surround it at the bookstore, it does not pander to style trends, glorify Hollywood in any way, pass off weight loss fads and reviews of lipstick as “content”, and never puts a famous face on the cover. It contains articles about real people (mostly women) and their experiences with growing old, living the married life, or traveling within one’s own country. It’s probably my favourite magazine listed here, just because it’s so unconventional without being pretentious. I would subscribe to Frankie if it wasn’t over $150. Instead I buy issues from Chapters if and when they have it in stock.

Atomic Ranch.
A quarterly magazine focusing on midcentury modern homes. Think of it like any other home decor/remodeling magazine, but based purely on ranchers and ‘retro’ furniture. It’s still got stories about rich people spending gobs of money on their homes, which makes me angry/jealous, but the cool factor makes it welcome on my rack. I dream of living in a midcentury rancher some day - or its modern equivalent, the prefab home - but since that dream is still so far away, reading and seeing photos about the design aesthetic that I love will have to make due. Another one I don’t subscribe to and seems to be on the store shelf only randomly.

Honourable Mention: Toro
Another magazine that died last year, Toro was an award-winning Canadian men’s magazine that almost occupied the same territory as Frankie; a men’s magazine that wasn’t full of celebrity worship, grade ten level sex jokes, or a shameful pandering to consumerism. Yes, it would have the obligatory “here’s this season’s $2000 suit you should buy” fashion spreads, but it also had insightful articles on soldiers in Afghanistan or a man convicted of murder in Nova Scotia. I wish I could say I cannot understand why this magazine failed, but it’s obvious that men who read men’s magazines prefer to read about the iPhone, Shia LeBeouf’s latest film, or look at some Photoshopped blonde tramp with huge boobs.

What about the goblins

I got to work today and read the sad news that George Carlin died on the weekend. I’m really glad I got to see him on stage a couple of years ago. He was, in my opinion, the greatest comedian. No one blended social commentary and silliness like he did. I thought about linking to a bunch of YouTube videos of his stuff, but since his acts really should be seen in their entirety, I won’t. However I’ll reprint a quote of his that make me laugh hard - this was from his HBO special “You Are All Diseased”, which was probably one of his best.

Here’s another question I’ve been pondering — what is all this shit about angels? Have you heard this? Three out of four people believe in angels. Are you fucking stupid? Has everybody lost their mind? … What about Goblins, huh? Doesn’t anybody belive in Goblins? You never hear about this. Except on Halloween and then it’s all negative shit. And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That’s the trouble with Zombies, they’re unreliable! I say if you’re going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.

TWIG Notes XIII

This Week In Garrett:

- Our new furniture arrived, and the photos from the unboxing event are on Flickr. I’m very pleased with our choice of style and fabric, and having a storage ottoman is the greatest thing since Huey Lewis. Still haven’t removed the old sofa from our place though. Until we find a vehicle to borrow that fits a seven foot sofa, it’s not going anywhere.

- I had to call Visa and ask why I’m being charged “balance protection” when I never carry a balance. I’m getting charged these fees well after the fact that I’ve paid off my Visa bill in full: for example, I paid off my latest one on May 30 yet that billing period’s protection fee is charged on June 13. Huh?? Needless to say I’m going to cancel either the balance protection (one of those things they automatically give you unless you explicitly opt out) or cancel the card itself. I’m leaning toward the latter.

- Current thing that makes me angry: news reports that reference support for a cause on Facebook. This is not news and it’s not activism. Facebook is not an outlet for political statements (”15,000,000 People for Lower Gas Prices?” Give me a friggin’ break) or memorial services. Joining a group on Facebook is meaningless; I joined a group called “God Bless TNA Pants”, is that news? No. Nothing will come of Facebook groups. Want lower gas prices? How about you vote in an election! Want to pay respects for someone who died? How about you make a donation to whatever charity their family specifies in their obituary!

- I don’t like the USA, but I’m not going to cheer as they rapidly fall apart financially and on the world stage. China is the odds on favourite to be the next world superpower, and I think people who look forward to the US crumbling are misguided. China is the US on growth hormones, with a sprinkle of oppression and communism thrown in the mix.

- Yesterday we went to Midnight Madness at Ikea. It consisted of people clawing at each other to own the exact same shitty patio furniture. We picked up a storage box for $12, and while we didn’t eat a 25c hot dog, I did have my photo taken with a giant hot dog.

- The Lions season started this past Thursday. There were 26,000 people there for a preseason game. That has got to be a record for attendance at a game that doesn’t even “count”. The Lions won handily, beating the sad-sack Stampeders 39 to 35. The final score is misleading, as the Lions stopped playing their best players when it they were up by about 20 points. This year’s cheerleaders are looking alright too, although I’m not taking part in any “cartwheel” chants from now on. That magic has run out.

If You Go Into the Woods Today

I called in sick today, partly because of intestinal distress the night before, but mostly because my mental state has had the cranky, well, cranked to 11. Some of my sour attitude has had to do with the weather - it’s a lame excuse but I do think the two-plus weeks of clouds and rain in June didn’t exactly help. There were other factors too, and I just needed a day where I wasn’t working for The Man.

During the day we walked to Newport Village, and along the way spotted an adult bear with two cubs on the trail around the inlet (a trail used mostly by women out for a jog with their babies/dogs/lululemon pants/money). Thankfully a Port Moody Parks worker was right behind us, and he reacted by posting signs saying “watch for bear”. Well, better than shooting it, I suppose. We watched the bears, maybe 200m away from us, play in a tree and meander around the railway tracks before disappearing into the brush. I went after them, and after a quick chat they joined us on the trek to Newport, where we grabbed a coffee and a salmon and talked about berries.

We also received a call about our new furniture, which will be delivered early tomorrow afternoon. Yay! New sofa! New loveseat! New ottoman! Now we just need to find a way to get the old sofa back to Mission.

Peer Pressure

Not long ago the ladyfriend and I were in the local mall, where I stopped to look at a real estate kiosk. Nothing in our area sells for less than $260k - unless you’re willing to forgo all bedrooms - but I always feel some curiosity about how much money could buy which type of property. The real estate man at the kiosk began talking to me about the units for sale in the building we live in now, and repeated the real estate mantra of “you really should consider buying something.”

Talk to anyone even partially involved with money or banking or investing and you’ll hear this. Buy something. Get in while you can. Take out a 40 year mortgage. Get those interest rates while they’re low. And so on, and so on. It’s peer pressure in an adult form: get your piece of the action! Buy now! At prices this low, you can’t not buy a home! It’s so easy, like buying a new pair of shoes.

Frankly I can’t stand to listen to it anymore. Yes, yes, it would be great to own a place ourselves, but it’s become such a trendy thing to do, and if you’re not buying a place, you’re falling behind. Well screw you! Our quality of life isn’t going to improve by spending 50% more a month just for the right to say “I own this place!” We will buy a place when it makes sense to, and where it makes sense to, and not any sooner just because everyone else is playing this game of gotta-get-it-now.

One of the best things I’ve read that reflect the way I see this buying frenzy came, from all places, an ESPN sports writer. Here’s a quote:

Between 1997 and 2006, home prices in the United States rose 85 percent. Like Jason Giambi’s moustache (on loan from Dave Tippett), there was no real reason for the increase; rising prices often hypnotized people into getting into the game before it was too late. We have plenty of residential space in the United States. What we had over the past decade was “boom thinking” on a wide-scale basis. (Sweden, Mexico and Japan went through this in the early ’90s).

It seemed like everybody was getting into the real estate game. Borrow, buy, sell, refinance, cash out, smack it up, flip it, rub it down, rent, lease, borrow, rinse and repeat. We went from a Protestant/Boston Bruins work ethic to the stock-market boom of the 1990s. This seemed to change people’s thinking on how to get things done financially, and only now have we seemed to hit a brick wall made of thick credit-card plastic.

This sums it up quite nicely. While the buying frenzy hasn’t slowed north of the border (or at least not in the GVRD), it will at some point. Whether things fall apart like the did in the USA remains to be seen, and whether my dreams catch up with my pay, I can’t say. But for the near future it makes less sense for us to take the plunge into ownership than it does for others.